I’ve thought about this as I’ve seen so many social media postings from older divorcees and widows and most of these women seem to be in the never-marry-again camp. Obviously this is just anecdotal data. Still it’s given me pause and made me think about what I would do in that situation and about marriage in general.
First, Does Marriage Favor Men?
I think for centuries the marriage construct has favored men. Women were considered property. If she had assets coming into the marriage, they became the husband’s. Women had few legal rights. Could not own property. Children belonged to the husband. Husbands could divorce a wife at will or have her committed to an asylum on just his say so. He could beat her without any reprisal. Most women were essentially helpless and dependent.
While times have changed legally and women have more rights, I believe marriage still favors men. Even in two-income households (or in retirement) wives still carry a disproportionate share of the housework, childcare, and emotional labor. Interestingly data shows that married man have better health outcomes and longevity over single men, but the same is not true of married women over single women. Statistically “unmarried, childless women are often among healthiest (and happiest) demographic subgroups.”
So yes, I believe marriage still favors men, and for some women it takes a toll.
The 2026 Dating Minefield
To be honest, dating seems rather frightening because there are still plenty of men who see women as “lesser beings” and sex objects meant to be dominated and used. And I believe a large percentage of men have some level of misogyny. It’s front and center in the manosphere where hatred of women is fomented and online rape academies flourish. But it also breeds in churches, religious groups and conservative communities. “Academic research and sociological studies consistently show that politically conservative men score higher on measures of both hostile and benevolent sexism than politically liberal men, though critics and researchers also point out that misogynistic attitudes and patriarchal behaviors can still manifest within liberal or left-wing spaces. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6]”
So finding a man who actually likes women and believes in their equality and autonomy seems a like needle-in-a-haystack challenge. And let’s face it, when you’re dating you put your best foot forward. I do think both men and women may hide more of their true nature. One husband said after his wedding, “Now I can be myself,” which I’m sure gave the bride pause.
Now add in the zillion other factors, traits and preferences you need to think about. (For me preferences would include someone with similar faith beliefs and political leanings. Someone with reasonable physical and financial health. (No “nurse and a purse” for me.) Someone who’s educated. Someone who enjoys museums, concerts, and such.)
But there’s so much more to consider, especially when you’re marrying at age 65 rather than 25. More baggage and more complications.
For example:
- How do you blend families? Deal with holidays? Family stuff?
- How will expenses be handled? Does one partner have more money, investments, etc? Does one partner have more financial obligations? Debt?
- How do you choose where to live? Whose house? Whose furniture to keep?
- How long will it take to adjust to each other’s habits, quirks, messes and foibles?
- How will you deal with disagreements?
- On and on…
And I realized at this age I wouldn’t marry again. Maybe date, but not marry. Not legally bind myself or live with another man.
I love my husband but if I were to become single, I would still have a full life with friends and family. I would still go dancing and out to eat. My home would be filled with just the things I adore, and I would get a cat.
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