I was in the next town over shopping in a very small thrift store when I spotted Angela*, a woman who used to live on my street. One of my daughters was in the same grade as hers and occasionally we had to interact at school functions. Angela was always cordial but standoffish. There was never any warmth in her smile towards me.
Still every year at our annual block party I would talk to her for a couple of minutes as I tried to do with most of my neighbors. One year I mentioned something about my online vintage biz and she said that she and another neighbor were heading to the Alameda Flea Market the next morning (turns out they did that quite regularly) and I said “Oh, if you ever have room in the car for another person, I’d love to come along.” Well, a look of shock crossed her face. She was horrified at the idea. She quickly recovered and came up with a list of reasons why that wouldn’t work. A list. It was priceless. Gosh! A few years ago she divorced her husband and moved off the street and that was that.
Well my first instinct at seeing her in this thrift store was to go over and ask how she was doing. Be a nice person. Then I stopped myself. To be honest I didn’t actually care how she was doing. Not one bit. And she wouldn’t care how I was doing. She had made it clear years ago I was persona non grata. For whatever reason she didn’t like me. Approaching her in the store would just create one of those awkward conversations with pasted-on smiles and the thinnest veneer of friendliness.
I continued my browsing and left the store. Given the small size of the store, I wouldn’t doubt that she spotted me too at some point and obviously she didn’t approach me either. So there’s that.
The reality is we all have people we have to rub shoulders with that just won’t like us. It may have nothing to do with anything we’ve said or done. It could be the way our face looks. The way we dress. Some mannerism. Or what they think they know about us. Some preconception or misconception. Hells bells. It takes so little for people to dislike us.
I used to feel hurt and confused when it became apparent that someone didn’t like me. I would try and “win over” people like Angela—be extra friendly, helpful and complimentary. Not anymore. These days I can’t be bothered. Life is too short to waste time on “Angelas.” I am done worrying if people like me or not. It has been so freeing.
Would love to hear if you have an Angela story or a different view!
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