Today's Women of Age

In a word, yes, and here’s what I think is fueling it.

For centuries, women have had little control over their lives. Most couldn’t vote, own property, or conduct financial transactions. They received little education. They needed a male figure in their life to survive–be it father, brother, husband. Men had all the opportunities, all the power.

In the 20th century when laws began changing in the U.S. granting more access and equal opportunities to women, it changed the dynamic between the sexes. Women could now prioritize education, career and personal goals and postpone marriage and children.

Now in the 21st century we find more women in the U.S. are choosing to remain single and childless. To understand why Bella DePaulo Ph.D. shared the research findings of 6000 singles: “women may be happier single because they are more likely to have supportive relationships beyond romantic relationships. They also speculate that heterosexual romantic relationships are less rewarding for women because they do more than their share of household chores and tasks. Also, their sexual pleasure may be undervalued relative to men’s in romantic relationships. The researchers also suggest that as women’s incomes get closer to men’s, there is less of an economic advantage for them to marry; they believe that financially, single men ‘have more to gain from partnering than do single women.’”

These days women don’t feel the need “to settle” when looking for a partner. They can be choosy. There is also a shift among older previously married women who are now single from divorce or death of their spouse. Many are relishing their freedom and independence and feel no need to get remarried. A senior widower I know with multiple health issues often quips, “I need to find a woman to take care of me” and that is exactly the self-centered thinking that women are rejecting–being sucked into a relationship to essentially be an unpaid, live-in mother, nurse or caregiver.

This shift is proving to be a great consternation to men and fueling a loneliness crisis in single males. In the manosphere men see themselves as victims of a “feminist agenda” unable to find mates. In my mind it’s less “agenda” than the fact that more women are finally making healthy decisions prioritizing their needs, setting boundaries and learning to say no. But this is not going down well with men. And in certain male online communities hatred against women is festering with some calling for violence.

Add into this mix conservative patriarchal religious groups that have long held subtle and not-so-subtle misogynistic views. Many teach that women’s God-ordained place in society is one of “submission and obedience, labor and servility.” (Talia Lavin, “The Silence of the Wives”) If you were born with a uterus and ovaries your life mission is to marry, make babies and serve your man and family. Period. For a woman to seek a vocation or a life outside of the home is seen as going against God’s will and being less of a woman. This would not matter as much to the majority of women except that men from conservative religious backgrounds are both entering politics and influencing politicians in ways that are negatively impacting women’s lives and health.

So yes, I believe misogyny is on the rise. We are living in a time when hard-fought legislation giving women equal access to education, jobs, healthcare and opportunities is being chipped away and animosity against women is becoming more prevalent. Men want women back in a place of dependence, submission and servitude. This is not okay.

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What can women do?

• Vote against legislation that would further strip women of rights. Encourage your politicians to do so as well.
• Support organizations that are fighting for women’s rights.
• Be proactive in keeping safe. (Lyft has launched a new feature “Women + Connect” giving female riders the option to choose a female driver providing a greater sense of security.)
• For single women who are looking for life partners, do a deep dive into who that person is before it gets serious.
• If you are in a relationship have a separate checking account and credit card in your name and only accessible by you. (You’ll thank me later.)
• If your faith’s views on women and women’s roles are restrictive and make you uncomfortable, take a step back from it. Easier said than done I know, but it may save your sanity.

Thoughts?