Today's Women of Age

At different times when our daughters were younger my husband and I would have the house to ourselves for a few months. They were away at college or living elsewhere, but it was always temporary. We knew at least one would be back. And indeed after my youngest graduated from college she moved back home. Then my eldest who had been out of the house for years asked if she could move back for a few weeks. The lease on her expensive small one-bedroom apartment was up (they are all expensive here in the S.F. Bay Area!) and she didn’t want to commit for another year. Of course we said yes.

And it was lovely having both our girls at home. I treasured our time together. Lounging around drinking coffee in the morning. Conversations and laughs over dinner. Occasionally playing cards at night. It was grand.

Still weeks turned into months and with a small house, privacy was at a minimum. My eldest was both living and working remotely from our family room. We got in each other’s way at times and occasionally on each other’s nerves.

But then a plan was hatched and our daughters got a place together and moved out. It was a great for them and us.

Still I felt a deep sense of loss once they were both gone. I was officially an empty nester. And I’d find myself breaking into tears at random moments. In my mind it felt like they were thousands of miles away instead of just up the road! In a particularly vulnerable moment I even wondered if I would still be needed as a mom. (Of course in a saner moment I knew that wasn’t true. Everyone always needs their mother!)

Over time the sadness dissipated. I did nothing special except allow myself to grieve. I did not try to avoid it. Or make myself so busy that I didn’t think about it. I let it come and that was key. I allowed myself to feel all that I needed to feel and slowly healed.

And of course the true blessing is that my husband and I still enjoy being an integral part of their lives while not living in such close quarters. We have dinner together several times a month and send each other texts and humorous memes almost daily. From time to time they even phone for advice!

They’re thriving having their independence back and we relish the quiet and having more space. I’ve now accepted our empty nest as a lovely, well-deserved gift.

How about you? What was your experience like?